Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Cinderella Story

Once upon a time there was a girl named Cinderella who had a cruel and deranged stepmother. She made Cinderella do everything around the house while she sat around scowling and looking mean all day. Well, one day Cinderella had finally had enough and went and found herself a man. A man who just happend to be a prince.

On the day of her wedding, Cinderella broke the news to her stepmother that she was running off to get married that very day, and that she would never return.

This made The Stepmother so furious that her hand fell off.

She ordered Cinderella to stay, and yelled at her to hurry up and mop the floors. Cinderella told her to do it herself and took off in a school bus to marry her prince. 

The Stepmother couldn't stand the thought of doing any housework herself, and wouldn't dream of making her hateful, spoiled daughters (Cinderella's stepsisters) lift a finger. So in her anger, she went to Cinderella's new house and demanded that she come home. Because she's a wacko and wackos do stuff like that.  

Cinderella refused, telling her that she lived with The Prince now and that she would never EVER go back to that black hole of misery. The Stepmother told her that she had no choice, and that she was going to lock her in the tower forever....right after she cleaned the windows.

So then The Stepmother made Cinderella get in the school bus and took her back "home". The Prince wasn't paying attention and didn't even know his new bride had been taken. What a dolt.  

Back at her old house, Cinderella refused to clean the windows, so The Stepmother brought in reinforcements - The Evil Stepsisters. All three of them nagged and nagged her to obey her orders. 

Still, Cinderella refused, saying that she wanted to go back to her new house and hang out with her prince. Her newfound assertiveness enraged The Stepmother so much that she decided to lock her in the tower right away. She forced her into the tiny room and proclaimed that she would just call Merry Maids instead. Tower life was rather boring, so Cinderella passed the time by pretending to be a wedding cake topper. 

She desperately missed her prince and begged her stepmother to let her go home to him. The Stepmother suddenly became a semi-decent human being and felt sorry for Cinderella. She told her that she wouldn't let her leave the tower but that she would go get The Prince for her.

So she fired up the school bus and rushed off to find The Prince (who still had no idea his wife was gone) and brought him to the base of the tower.

Cinderella begged him to come up and rescue her, but there was nothing he could do without the key. They pleaded with The Stepmother to unlock the door but she just scowled at the universe some more. Eventually guilt somehow managed to worm its way into her black soul and she finally gave it to him. He and Cinderella cheered as he climbed to the top of the tower to free her.

But suddenly, The Stepmother's heart turned cold again and she snatched the key away from The Prince before he could unlock the door. She cackled in joy at her evilness and made sure it was locked extra tight.

It took some doing, but The Prince was finally able to snatch the key away from her and opened the tower door just in time. Cinderella was free! While she was in there, she had even had time to change her dress. A damsel in distress has to look her best you know.

And they lived happily ever after.

The End! 

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